Feline Frisky
by blu34
Summary: Max has an idea that will get him and his friends out of David's miserable hike of doom. But what happens when things go awry? (Alternative Title- Dammit Space Kid)


"And that right there is a Poison Ivy bush!" David said, pointing to a prickly green bush. "Remember, make sure to stay away from that plant. It'll give you a nasty rash. And treating another camper isn't exactly in our budget so.."

"This is so outrageously asinine." Neil said as he slathered sunscreen all over his face. "Why do we even need to do this? We hiked yesterday!"

"And the day before that." Max pointed out.

"Maybe it's David's fetish." Nikki added to the conversation. Neil and Max turned to her in disgust.

"Oh god. Dont make me put that mental image into my head." Neil said.

Max shrugged. "I wouldn't be too surprised."

David came to a sudden stop. The path they were on had split into two. He observed the paths before choosing to take the left one.

"Cmon kids, follow me! Not too long before we reach the foot of Sleepy Peak Peak!"

Max's eyes lit up with opportunity. He dragged his two friends off to the side as the other campers walked past them. "Guys, this is it! This is our chance! We go down that right path and we can escape from this unconscionable mental mindfuck of a hike!" he told them, his eyes darting between the two of them.

Nikki pumped a fist. "Whooo! Adventure!"

Neil sighed and shrugged. "Better to die from heatstroke with you guys than with those other insufferable measlings. Let's get the hell outta here."

The trio made sure David wasn't looking as they snuck down the other path. They didn't stop running until they were absolutely positive that nobody was following them. The three halted to a stop. Neil wheezed. "That was a close one."

"Now we just gotta pray we can get out of here before the sun gets to us first. Dammit, I knew I should have brought my sunscreen." Max said, shielding his eyes.

Neil wiped the sweat from his forehead and glanced back at the path. "You think anyone saw us?"

"Nah." Nikki shook her head.

Now Space Kid wasn't a snitch, but as he watched Max, Nikki and Neil run off down the right path, dread creeped into his mind. It was hotter than Mars out there, and without David and his steady supply of water canteens, Space Kid knew they would surely shrivel up like prunes. He couldn't let that happen! He would never surrender to the boiling baddies of Mars! Sprinting full speed, he ran to go tell David.

He tripped and fell onto his helmet. Dammit, Space Kid.

The comedy trio walked deeper down the path, which eventually began to fade away. The group moved further into the deep forest. "I think the path's playing hide and seek with us!" Nikki said. "Look, it's hiding!"

The boys looked down and realized that they weren't walking down a path anymore. Tree roots and vines stretched across the ground.

"Great" Max mumbled. "Now even the path is conspiring against us."

"Where'd these vines come from? They aren't anywhere else near camp..." Neil wondered.

"Who cares? Maybe there are snakes in here!" Nikki said, kicking the vines around with her foot.

"Great. We're lost." Neil said, sighing in dissatisfaction with no valid reply to his question.

As the three continued walking, the trees became denser around them. It got darker, almost like a scene in a horror movie.

"I'm pretty sure this is where teenagers go to get stabbed." Max announced.

"Well at least it's not hot anymore right?" Neil asked.

Before anyone could answer, they heard a rustle in the bushes. Something.. or someone.. was there. The three kids froze.

Nikki got in a defensive stance.

"Good god, I swear, if its Quartermaster again.." Neil began.

A low, deep growl cut off Neil's sentence.

"What the god damn shit was that!?" Max cried.

"Well screw this! Im out!" Neil said in response, swivelling around.

Nikki firmly grabbed him by the shoulder. "Don't move!"

Neil turned to see what Nikki was looking at.

Mother-all-mighty of all things holy.

Only a couple of feet away from them stood a bobcat.

"Guys, don't worry. I'll talk us out of this!" Nikki said, turning to the cat. Neil and Max watched as she started to meow. When the bobcat took a step closer, Nikki turned around.

"I forgot what sound bobcats make."

"Oh god. We're gonna die out here. I haven't even beat my highscore on Crossy Road yet!" Neil cried.

"Isn't your highscore 22? That's pretty sad."

"Can you guys shut up?" Max said. "You two are gonna be the death of me. Literally."

Max was trying to remember back to David's wilderness safety lesson.

"Now remember, if you ever cross a cat's path, and no, not a kitty" David said, pausing to chuckle at his own joke, "here's what you have to do. Make yourself appear as big and as tall as you can. Convince them that you're nobody to mess with. Remember, you have to be the hot-stuff of the forest! And whatever you do, dont run. That cat will catch up to you faster than you can bat an eye."

At the time, he thought David was trying to get all of them killed. 'Don't run'? What kind of shitty advice was that?

But at the moment Max didn't really feel like being ripped to shreds. So he had to work with what he had.

Max did what David told them to do. Nikki and Neil watched as he got on his tippy-toes. He puffed out his chest and held his arms open wide.

He turned to his friends, who had begun to do the same thing.

"God, we must look like idiots." Neil muttered.

"Oh, look alive." Max replied.

Turns out David's advice had been right. The bobcat took a few steps back, beginning to sulk back into the forest. But not fully.

"I wonder if it's a girl or a boy. I can't really tell from here.." Nikki whispered.

"Nikki does that really matter right now?"

Space Kid had been left behind by his group after he fell. Maybe they just didn't notice. But David had told him and the rest of the campers to stay put whenever they got lost.

So that was exactly what he was going to do.

He sat down on a log on the side of the path, whistling a tune patiently as the sun began to set.

As he watched the sun begin to dip behind the mountains, he thought of Max, Nikki and Neil. He had heard lots of scary stories (told by Quartermaster) about how kids were picked up and taken by bears and wild cats in the very area they had been hiking in.

His eyes went cloudy as he imagined the trio being mauled by an alien grizzly bear, shuddering just at the thought of it.

He found himself getting up from his log and turning to face the other path, the one that the trio went down.

"Should I?" Space Kid wondered aloud.

"You know what?" he decided, "I'm going to save them from those alien bears. I'm going to live on the edge for once in my life!"

As he marched on towards the right path, the whole audience of people reading this groaned aloud.

Dammit, Space Kid.


End file.
